refocus and refreshment

Redwood National Park - Lady Bird Johnson Grove, Dec 2007

I can definitely tell that people have been praying for us. THANK YOU.

Today (Saturday) has been such a sweet, encouraging day for us.

Physically, I am miserable. My body is struggling failing. This week I've hit an ultimate low in my weight, despite our serious efforts to get me to gain. I have had numerous falls today, due to severe dizziness and lack of motor control. My nausea is intense tonight, leaving me unable to lie down flat or fall asleep, hence typing a post at 1 AM.

All that to say, it's still been a good day with lots of laughter, smiles, cuddling, and encouraging conversation. It is WELL with our souls :) Thank You, Lord!

Earlier this afternoon, Spencer and I were talking about how rough things have been and wondering why God has placed such a long, intense trial in our lives. We have struggled so much with frustration and sadness lately - really, our attitudes haven't been so great. Spencer has handled it in a much wiser, godlier manner than I, but still, it's been rough for both of us.

We've really been working on focusing on the positives. God's Word tells us that trials are a blessing. They are for our good.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4

While we want to be honest about how this difficult this trial is, we also want to focus on the positives...on the ways that God is using this suffering for our good. We don't want to let this trial go to waste.

The other day, I read an excerpt of a poem by George Herbert that seemed fitting:

I will complain, yet praise; I will bewail, approve; And all my sour-sweet days; I will lament and love.

So, I'm starting another list. I'm a list girl. Lists are comforting for an obsessive planner like me. I need my lists. Plus, my memory is shot, so lists are crucial :)

Because of Lyme:

• We have been able to spend SO much more time together than if we were healthy. Sure, a lot of that time has been gut-wrenching, tear-filled, and anything but "fun," but you know, that time together has been a huge blessing in our marriage. We have grown so much as a couple. 
• We have learned who our true, genuine friends are and we rejoice in having the privilege of of having them in our lives.
• Our world is much smaller due to me being homebound and so limited physically and cognitively. It can be frustrating when we compare our situation to that of our peers. Several months ago, we were talking with two dear friends who have been suffering tremendously due to a debilitating chronic illness. Their world is very small too. They shared how this smaller world has allowed them the opportunity to savor and focus on the simple, yet most important things in life. Chronic illness makes one keenly aware of what really matters. Limited amounts of spoons force you to choose what is most worthwhile and beneficial to invest in.
• Big exercise in patience and trust. I'm glad to be learning this lesson early on in life, as this is an area I struggle with immensely. 
• I fell in love with my husband :) Long story. In short, I planned to go away to college, but my mysterious health problems (not-yet-diagnosed Lyme) required me to stick close to home and attend our local community college. I wasn't happy about this. But, God is good and His plans much better. One semester, I ended up with class schedule very similar to that of my friend Spencer. Looking back, we cherish the time we spent together between classes and those long walks to and fro our cars. Neither of us are sure exactly when it happened, but our deepening friendship slowly blossomed into love. *sigh* still gives me butterflies :)

Okay, that's all for now. More to come.