Ten years ago, in mid August, I spent a week in Sequoia & Kings Canyon National Parks with my church's youth group.
My first symptoms of Lyme Disease appeared that week.
Here I am that very week. about to begin my junior year of high school.
I was thriving.
physically. emotionally. spiritually.
That week I spent a lot of time in prayer, telling God that I wanted to better know Him. I wrote a prayer down in my journal, where I asked Him to ”do whatever it takes" to bring me into a closer walk with Him.
I didn't look back on that journal entry until several years after getting sick. I was floored when I found it.
God was VERY faithful to answer my prayer. right away.
It just took me a looong time to recognize that Lyme was a blessing.
Yes, a blessing. For so long I viewed it as a trial to suffer through and no more.
It took time to see that through that suffering, God was working in my heart and doing the very thing I asked Him to.
To draw me closer to Him.
than ever before.
I still struggle a great deal with truly embracing that trials are for our good.
I know in my head that they are, and have seen the wonderful work God has done in us through Lyme,
but my restless, rebellious heart often believes otherwise.
And in spite of my kicking and screaming, crying, shaking of my fist, despairing, complaining, and resenting....
God has been faithful and kind in continuing to grow and refine my heart.
We've been treating Lyme for nearly 3 years now.
It somehow surprises me, as it doesn't feel like it's been that long.
So much of it has been one big painful blur.
But when I go through the realization that it's actually been 3 years,
it quickly feels overwhelming.
especially when I remember that we have several more years of treatment ahead of us.
All of this wasn't in my "plans."
I had so many life "events" that I hoped would have been checked off on my "to-do" list by now. I struggle a lot with those "if only" and "what if" thoughts.
My birthday was in August. I admit that it was somewhat discouraging to look at that number. I know it's just a number. but still. It was hard.
I read a timely quote a few days after my birthday...
Rather than focusing on my age and all the things I had hoped would happen by now, or worrying about the future, I need to be in the now.
Pressing forward, but taking things day at a time. Hour at a time, really.
Choosing gratitude.
for the place God has us now.
trusting that God is good. completely 100% good.
He is using this season in our lives to do just what I had asked for 10 years ago.
growing us. teaching us. refining us. drawing us closer to Him.
I've been struggling lately, so desperately wanting to be done with this season.
I know there is so much God is teaching us through it, but some days the pain feels unbearable and I wonder when will we ever get a break??
Thankfully I AM healing, heading in the right direction, but it is such a slow journey. Although I'm much better than I was, say, 2 years ago, I am still a very sick girl. We are still very much in a season of illness. with a long ways to go.
But as long as God has us in this season, I want to make to most of it. Not let it go to waste.
be teachable.
and thankful.
"Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way." James 1:2-4 - the Message
"...rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope." Romans 5:3-4 - ESV
I do admit that I'm weary.
Mentally, physically, emotionally
drained.
But when I examine it more closely,
it's sort of a "good" weary, if that makes any sense.
The sort of the weariness during and after a long hike on a beautiful day.
Your body aches and is weak,
but the exhaustion and pain was worth what you experienced.
Indescribable beauty and joy that would not otherwise have been discovered without the hard journey.
"in my deepest wound i saw your glory and it dazzled me." - st. augustine
My first symptoms of Lyme Disease appeared that week.
Here I am that very week. about to begin my junior year of high school.
I was thriving.
physically. emotionally. spiritually.
That week I spent a lot of time in prayer, telling God that I wanted to better know Him. I wrote a prayer down in my journal, where I asked Him to ”do whatever it takes" to bring me into a closer walk with Him.
I didn't look back on that journal entry until several years after getting sick. I was floored when I found it.
God was VERY faithful to answer my prayer. right away.
It just took me a looong time to recognize that Lyme was a blessing.
Yes, a blessing. For so long I viewed it as a trial to suffer through and no more.
It took time to see that through that suffering, God was working in my heart and doing the very thing I asked Him to.
To draw me closer to Him.
than ever before.
I still struggle a great deal with truly embracing that trials are for our good.
I know in my head that they are, and have seen the wonderful work God has done in us through Lyme,
but my restless, rebellious heart often believes otherwise.
And in spite of my kicking and screaming, crying, shaking of my fist, despairing, complaining, and resenting....
God has been faithful and kind in continuing to grow and refine my heart.
We've been treating Lyme for nearly 3 years now.
It somehow surprises me, as it doesn't feel like it's been that long.
So much of it has been one big painful blur.
But when I go through the realization that it's actually been 3 years,
it quickly feels overwhelming.
especially when I remember that we have several more years of treatment ahead of us.
All of this wasn't in my "plans."
I had so many life "events" that I hoped would have been checked off on my "to-do" list by now. I struggle a lot with those "if only" and "what if" thoughts.
My birthday was in August. I admit that it was somewhat discouraging to look at that number. I know it's just a number. but still. It was hard.
I read a timely quote a few days after my birthday...
"Age doesn't matter, unless you're a cheese." ~ Billie Burke:)
Rather than focusing on my age and all the things I had hoped would happen by now, or worrying about the future, I need to be in the now.
Pressing forward, but taking things day at a time. Hour at a time, really.
Choosing gratitude.
for the place God has us now.
trusting that God is good. completely 100% good.
He is using this season in our lives to do just what I had asked for 10 years ago.
growing us. teaching us. refining us. drawing us closer to Him.
I've been struggling lately, so desperately wanting to be done with this season.
I know there is so much God is teaching us through it, but some days the pain feels unbearable and I wonder when will we ever get a break??
Thankfully I AM healing, heading in the right direction, but it is such a slow journey. Although I'm much better than I was, say, 2 years ago, I am still a very sick girl. We are still very much in a season of illness. with a long ways to go.
But as long as God has us in this season, I want to make to most of it. Not let it go to waste.
be teachable.
and thankful.
"Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way." James 1:2-4 - the Message
"...rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope." Romans 5:3-4 - ESV
I do admit that I'm weary.
Mentally, physically, emotionally
drained.
But when I examine it more closely,
it's sort of a "good" weary, if that makes any sense.
The sort of the weariness during and after a long hike on a beautiful day.
Your body aches and is weak,
but the exhaustion and pain was worth what you experienced.
Indescribable beauty and joy that would not otherwise have been discovered without the hard journey.
"in my deepest wound i saw your glory and it dazzled me." - st. augustine
Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint. - Isaiah 40:28-31
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint. - Isaiah 40:28-31
4 comments:
sweet sister, thank you for sharing. I am so encouraged when I see and hear how you are handling this "blessing" that God has given to you. It helps me be encouraged about mine too.
This is a stellar post, dear Melody. And a wonderful, blessed glimpse into the heart and soul of a woman walking with God in faith, with gratitude. Your love for God and your trust in Him is a beautiful thing to behold. I love you and I continue to rejoice in God's good work in your life and that of your amazing husband. Yours, Dad
Your sweet response to God's answer to your prayer is such a precious reminder to all of us. God will continue to take care of your years, with all your hopes and dreams as well, and He will fill them with good things that will unquestionably demonstrate His love for you. The prayer you prayed ten years ago was remarkably wise, Dear One.
Melody, we've been praying for you through info from your parents. We are in their Sunday school class. We love you from afar and are greatly encouraged by your honesty and faith on Christ!
Debra Perkins
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