as of late

Last Thursday, simply getting dressed to be wheeled in my wheelchair to a lymph massage appointment was an incredibly taxing, unimaginably difficult event - it was the event of my week. Still recovering. As of late, this has been the norm.

I'm struggling immensely with debilitating and maddening neurological symptoms. Our doctors and nurse are working hard to find a way to calm my nervous system down, but so far it's been quite frustrating and unsuccessful. Some days aren't so bad, but my *bad* days have been really bad. Scary, quite frankly.

My dear readers, if you've emailed, facebooked, sent cards/letters, financial support, or called, do know that your reaching out to us means a HUGE deal to us. Seriously. It is so meaningful and blesses and encourages us far more than I think you can imagine. We thank God for blessing us with you.

...Sadly, responding to your outpouring of love is very difficult and slow going. I'm barely getting by with the basics (sleeping, eating, keeping track of medications, bathing [HA, that's sadly become a weekly event], etc) these days. So, despite our lack of communication (which we deeply regret), please know you are in our thoughts and prayers. I long for the energy to talk and correspond with more of you.

Here are some portions of hymns and songs that have ministered to me as of late...

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

[Be Still My Soul]

When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of woe shall not thee overflow;
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathways shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.

[excerpt from How Firm a Foundation]

When the morning falls on the farthest hill,
I will sing His name, I will praise Him still.
When dark trials come and my heart is filled
With the weight of doubt, I will praise Him still.

For the Lord our God, He is strong to save
From the arms of death, from the deepest grave.
And He gave us life in His perfect will,
And by His good grace, I will praise Him still.

[I will praise Him Still]

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
[...]
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

[excerpt from While I'm Waiting]